so, you don't get to have cocktails or go shopping or have dinner parties or go out to brunch or any of the fun stuff you used to do with your Former-Friends-Now-Friends-With-Baby. you can stop by to see the baby though! and if that doesn't compare to a night out on the town, peering over your cocktails to check if professional athletes have arrived yet, then blowing the scene for some spontaneous shopping for obscene keychains and pasta at Urban Outfitters, followed by a three-sheets-to-the-wind stop at the latest and most ludicrous club for some terribly terribly embarrassing ass-shakery, well I just don't know what to tell you.
actually, I do. they aren't fun anymore. oh sure, there might be a bottle of gin in their freezer. but it's probably over a year old. and your friends might look good, for having just had a baby. but they're wearing sweatpants. with company. and they are talking and managing to string sentences together. but it's all about diapers.
it's horrifying! what happened?! these were COOL people! and now they're just sitting there babbling about diapers! and spit-up! in their sweatpants!
so yeah. I'm telling you now. they are PARENTS and all they can hope for now is to be "cool parents" which means at best not wearing matching t-shirts to Disneyworld and at worst all their children are in juvie.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
They're Having a Baby. Yip.Pee.
well, they’re gone. you can throw them a baby shower, or just go ahead and board them up on the Queen Mary II and wave them out of the harbor because that’s about how much you’ll be seeing or hearing from them again.
oh don't get me wrong. god bless 'em. children, as a good friend tells me at the end of every barf story, are the most wonderful thing that can happen to you. and now that we have one of our own I couldn't agree more. even when she happens to be sobbing hysterically because her father is trying to wash off the dirt she just rubbed all over her face. she is the most wonderful thing in the world.
your relationship can withstand a baby and your family can joyfully withstand a baby and your home can even withstand a baby--it's just got a lot more plastic in it than you ever imagined owning in your entire lifetime.
but what that baby puts the breaks on is this: going out to dinner, lunch, brunch, and breakfast. seeing movies in a theatre. having cocktails. making meals that involve more than one pot. wearing clothes that can't be thrown in the washer and dryer. exercising. accessorizing. having friends over past 7 pm. did I already mention cocktails? reading the sunday paper. reading a magazine. do you sense a pattern here? it's all the fun stuff. the bells and whistles. the things you dream about doing when you're an ennui-stuffed teenager yearning to break the bonds of home and rules and limitations. the things you were doing when you caught yourself looking around thinking, "we're all just like an Ernest and Julio Gallo ad!" it is indeed the stuff that makes life worth living and you give it all up and sometimes it is not pretty.
but happily, that baby quickly becomes a bigger delight than that bored teenager could ever have imagined life could hold. it's just that the delight tends to be centered around home and during daylight hours. so what that puts a crimp in is your relationships with your friends.
oh don't get me wrong. god bless 'em. children, as a good friend tells me at the end of every barf story, are the most wonderful thing that can happen to you. and now that we have one of our own I couldn't agree more. even when she happens to be sobbing hysterically because her father is trying to wash off the dirt she just rubbed all over her face. she is the most wonderful thing in the world.
your relationship can withstand a baby and your family can joyfully withstand a baby and your home can even withstand a baby--it's just got a lot more plastic in it than you ever imagined owning in your entire lifetime.
but what that baby puts the breaks on is this: going out to dinner, lunch, brunch, and breakfast. seeing movies in a theatre. having cocktails. making meals that involve more than one pot. wearing clothes that can't be thrown in the washer and dryer. exercising. accessorizing. having friends over past 7 pm. did I already mention cocktails? reading the sunday paper. reading a magazine. do you sense a pattern here? it's all the fun stuff. the bells and whistles. the things you dream about doing when you're an ennui-stuffed teenager yearning to break the bonds of home and rules and limitations. the things you were doing when you caught yourself looking around thinking, "we're all just like an Ernest and Julio Gallo ad!" it is indeed the stuff that makes life worth living and you give it all up and sometimes it is not pretty.
but happily, that baby quickly becomes a bigger delight than that bored teenager could ever have imagined life could hold. it's just that the delight tends to be centered around home and during daylight hours. so what that puts a crimp in is your relationships with your friends.
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