What Happened?

so, you don't get to have cocktails or go shopping or have dinner parties or go out to brunch or any of the fun stuff you used to do with your Former-Friends-Now-Friends-With-Baby. you can stop by to see the baby though! and if that doesn't compare to a night out on the town, peering over your cocktails to check if professional athletes have arrived yet, then blowing the scene for some spontaneous shopping for obscene keychains and pasta at Urban Outfitters, followed by a three-sheets-to-the-wind stop at the latest and most ludicrous club for some terribly terribly embarrassing ass-shakery, well I just don't know what to tell you.

actually, I do. they aren't fun anymore. oh sure, there might be a bottle of gin in their freezer. but it's probably over a year old. and your friends might look good, for having just had a baby. but they're wearing sweatpants. with company. and they are talking and managing to string sentences together. but it's all about diapers.

it's horrifying! what happened?! these were COOL people! and now they're just sitting there babbling about diapers! and spit-up! in their sweatpants!

so yeah. I'm telling you now. they are PARENTS and all they can hope for now is to be "cool parents" which means at best not wearing matching t-shirts to Disneyworld and at worst all their children are in juvie.